Vulnerability in Yellow

Content Warnings:

Medical neglect, vague medical transphobia, non-detailed depiction of very light/tame skin mutilation (page 5, beginning with the text "since that-").

Please let me know of any other warnings.

an illustration of multiple iterations of Tawny, someone who consistently has short hair and always wears bracelets and the same necklace. in these iterations they wear many diverse eccentric outfits: a pencil skirt with fishnets and a button-up, a cropped hoodie and jeans, a blazer with a pendant, a short skirt with suspenders and a button-up. text: in university i had a lot of energy, especially for my own expression. it became a me-staple among my peers. a panel focused on a converse high-top, a hand coming down to pull at the top above the heel, some in-frame speech from Tawny says "man i gotta stop wearing these-" text: I've had heel pain for a very long time. a panel with Tawny walking wearing a big hoodie and carrying a large backpack, surrounded by varying sizes of 'ow'. a panel with Tawny bringing a hand up to plug their nose and blow to pop their ears. they're making a squinty frowny expression. speech bubbles near them look foggy and have wiggly lines, showing they can't hear what's being said clearly. text: I always need to pop my ears, including right after popping them. Been like this for years.
text: i went to the doctor for the first time in 7 years; the 7 years prior being just a tetanus shot in order to move countries, so about once in a decade. a panel with Tawny holding up a phone in front of them and their other hand posed to scroll through it. text: I had a list. a panel with Tawny bringing an arm up across their chest, looking concerned. text: my skin gets red and blotchy when i shower in hot-ish water. a panel with Tawny looking increasingly concerned with a frown, holding a hand up to their temple. text: there's a lot of tension in my head, and I can't hear clearly and always need to pop my ears. a long panel running across the page depicts a room where you see Tawny from their shoulders down to their knees as they sit on an examination table, across the room is half of the shoulder and arm of the doctor, supposedly writing. text: I'm transgender. I want to know where I can access resources for X and Y. two panels of Tawny looking blankly downwards, then looking up as if remembering something. text: Oh, and my stress physically manifests in my shoulders.
a panel close-up of the doctor's hands and paper he's writing on. it's dimly lit, looking quite ominous and judgemental. a long panel depicts Tawny looking perplexed, an eyebrow raised and mouth open saying "Uh-". multiple text bubbles of the doctor's response to Tawny's stated concerns stack next to this panel. doctor: this skin irritation sounds like it may be erythema- note from Tawny: (which he didn't follow-up on) doctor: does massaging help? (shoulders) Tawny: kind of? doctor: you're young, you might regret that decision. note from Tawny: (I haven't changed my mind) (I got no resources to investigate further) doctor: you might change your mind and want kids- a speech bubble interrupts the doctor's bubble, with capitalized and thick scrawl that shouts 'Absolutely Not.' the panel next to this depicts Tawny errupting from the borders, overlapping the previous panel, shaking from frustration and with an expression of clear anger.
text: then, in response to my head tension/blocked ears/poor hearing clarity... a panel close-up of Tawny's head, they look skeptical as the doctor's hand is seen holding a device to look in a patient's ear. he says "I don't see anything". small text next to the panel: wow! i'm cured! /sarcasm text: and he left that one... at that.
content warning for light depiction/mention of skin mutilation. four dim panels accompanied by text. the back of Tawny, who brings a hand up to hold the back of their neck. text: my head tension continues. Tawny looking down, their gaze quite empty, looking tired and defeated. text: shoulders have never relaxed. Tawny's waist, they wear briefs and lift the end of their shirt up to show their stomach and hips, covered in small marks of blood and blushing red. text: my skin got so bad during bouts of anxiety that I'd claw till I bled. Tawny sits on the edge of a bathtub, turning a tap to let cold water fill it to their ankles. text: my heels... yeah. text: this didn't change either- a large panel depicting Tawny from the forehead to the shoulder, glancing back. they have eye bags from fatigue and are frowning. text: Still trans. Still queer. Still furious. text at the bottom of the page: Then...
text, in lowercase (contrasting the capitalized hand-written text of the comic): i got glandular fever (mono). multiple panels that fill the lower half of the page, a little ad-hoc in layout. panels depict Tawny nodding off at a computer screen, leaning on their hand with tears in their eyes while drawing while murmuring "i slept so long why can't I stay awake?", Tawny passed out in bed, Tawny asleep on a train holding their backpack, and Tawny answering a phone (text pointing to them saying 'groggy'). text: I nodded off so many times in university, but it's normal for students to be sleep-deprived, unwell, miserable... so nobody noticed. I only found out because i got bloodwork done recently, and they found it in my results and called me ASAP.
text: I don't know when /if I recovered. ('when' is crossed out and 'if' is written next to it) text: too tired to express myself. a panel with Tawny slouched in a lecture theater chair at university, wearing a hoodie with the hood up and staring blankly forward. text: school got unbearably difficult. a panel with a paper and a pen, the paper is scribbled on and abandoned. text: i barely kept up with social interactions. a panel with a chat client window open, showing multiple people who've sent 5, 22, 4 unread messages. a long panel showing Tawny leaning forward on the edge of the frame, their head propped up in their hand. they look exhausted and apologetic. text: the one truth i have is- (a speech bubble from Tawny) "I'm tired." text: now I seem to get bouts of fatigue. text: dozing off on a bench in a catering kitchen. a panel of Tawny sitting on a dish crate, asleep on their arms on a bench. text: driving inattentively, by muscle/routine memory, auto. a panel of Tawny in a car seat with their seatbelt on, holding the wheel. they look exhausted. text: knowing I'm not fully "there", but unable to do anything. a panel that's very dim, showing Tawny bringing a hand up to their face. they look tired and many shadows are cast on them, accentuating the appearance of exhaustion.
text: it's been 3 years since I saw that doctor. a panel of Tawny looking tiredly at the viewer saying "sorry can you repeat that? I can't hear well." a panel of a chat message from Tawny: "sorry for the late response" the recipient responds "..." a panel of Tawny looking down at a phone in surprise, saying "wait, mono can cause long-term effects?" three panels with subject matter that falls out from the borders, uncontained. some very voluminous clouds float against a light sky. text: my shoulders are always tense. a close-up of a shoe rack with the converse high-tops stored away. text: my heels ache more often than not. an over-ear headset. text: anything on my head triggers tension headaches. a drawing with no panel; a window by a pillow and blanket, with Tawny sat up at the edge of the bed. they're facing away from the viewer. text: I wake up tired.
a completely pitch-black page. the main subject matter is yellow text, a photo of a piece of paper with text on it, and a small drawing in the corner. text: Just a theft of money, years of pain, and a single piece of paper. the photo is of documentation from the visit to the doctor. key things to note are the mis-labeling of meeting intent "consult in surgery", the flippant noting of issues with no follow-up "uni stress - shoulder massage (massage helpful), sleep ok, hot - skin (shower) erythema slight itchy", and the one thing the doctor brought up of his own volition and put more emphasis and advisement on than anything that I brought up: "care with weight". a drawing of Tawny, they're sat curled up into themselves, with their head in their hands, covering their face. text: i'm so tired.